He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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