you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
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1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
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Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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