I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just blew my weed a kiss
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
