yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
