Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
