remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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