you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
this will be a night to untag.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
