Your tits are I can't wait for
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
