birth control should be required to get into college
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
