Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
