so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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