i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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