oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
