I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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