peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
