Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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