I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
