Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
