I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
