you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
