would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
