You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
