The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
