You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Everyone says I win the strip club
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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