she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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