matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
