im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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