No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
