oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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