I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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