Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
