It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
