I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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