I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
they're like a gay fantastic four
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
