...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
