beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize