I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize