I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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