It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize