After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
