whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
