If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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