I heard we made out
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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