Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
