i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
