I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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