Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
