nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize