I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
