i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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