is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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