a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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