he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
