One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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