i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
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The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
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You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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