I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM