We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
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Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
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Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.