; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
