This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
