I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
