The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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