So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
