Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Why did my mother make you get naked?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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